Can I offend you?

Can I offend you?

A while back my sister was invited to a sweat lodge ceremony. She arrived as usual with her own set of beliefs, strong moral conviction and the courage to speak out whenever she encounters anything she deems discriminatory or shaming in the least. As the sweat was being readied she got ready with the other women who were going in, putting on a baggy T-shirt and shorts - unlike the other women in attendance - who all wore long skirts or dresses.

One of the women told her that they had extra skirts for the women to wear and for her to put one on over her shorts. She politely said 'no thank you, I'm fine how I'm dressed'. The Elder leading the sweat wasn't there yet, so this woman took it upon herself to 'educate' my sister about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate wear in the sweat lodge for women.
According to her, women must wear a skirt to show respect to mother earth and their connection to the earth, it is also to cover themselves up from male eyes in this intimate ceremony.

Now my sister is no greenhorn when it comes to ceremonies and living a life of sacrifice for others. She has dedicated her life more than anyone I know to working towards the betterment of her community. And she is not afraid of conflict or shy to offend someone if they are wrong ... or if it means they can learn something .... and occasionally, she does it for fun. So a heated debate followed. Several of the women present were offended that she wanted to enter the sweat lodge in shorts.

Finally, when the Elder leading the sweat arrived he was asked to educate my sister about why she needs to wear a skirt in the sweat, his response was, 'If she wants to wear shorts in the sweat then let her, the Creator can surely tell a man from a woman."

All it took was her simple gesture to open a dialogue about gender roles. A dialogue that is closed to many. All it took was for her to question why.

How many of us have felt uncomfortable in a ceremony but said nothing? How many of us have listened to the words of an ‘elder’ and felt deeply offended, yet due to our respectfulness have remained quite.

I know I have.

I am guilty of listening to elders say things that are deeply offensive to me and saying nothing. I lack the courage of my sister. To me this is a weakness. A weakness not only in myself but in our communities and our culture.

Christianity, residential schools, oppression and addictions have all shaped our traditions and influenced what we consider traditional. As a group we must have the ability to question. To ask hard questions that may offend some, but that will build our faith and our practices.

If you tell me a woman must wear a skirt in a ceremony, even over pants, then I should ask, 'Why? This doesn't make sense.' If you tell me that a man must enter a building ahead of a woman, or that a woman must not step over a man, or that a woman on her time should be segregated from males, then I should again ask - why?

If the answer I get doesn't satisfy me then I should question more, or I should not follow the practice.

Numerous times I have had elders tell me, "Do not ask questions, I am telling you sacred teaching and you are questioning the grandfathers if you question me! The grandfathers told me this, so it is right" To me this is a sure sign of an abuse of power. Power given not by the Creator or 'grandfathers' but by us.

If we want our traditions to remain, to adapt to the modern age of universal human rights and democracy, then we had better be willing to challenge ourselves once in a while. Otherwise our rhetoric will mimic that of the extreme fundamentalists in other communities that
encourage murder against those that speak out against their religion and their beliefs. We should start now.

"Kukwaychikaymowin" - This is Ininew (Cree) and means asking for clarification or inquiring.